Best new show this season?

Pilot of the year? So far, "Heroes" was undoubtedly it. The movie-quality debut episode featured strong acting, inventive camerawork, atmospheric lighting and – in Clair Bennett’s intense fire walk – plenty of stuff getting “blowed up real good.”

"Heroes" is one of those rare shows poised to utilize TV’s greatest advantage over film – the ability to tell a truly epic story. Unlike with its film counterpart, the highly popular "X-Men" series, fans don’t have to wait two or three long years to find out what happens next – only seven days – and here, there should room here for deep characterization and action spectacle.


Plus, making comic books themselves part of the plot looks to be a smart decision, demonstrating the creators aren’t: A) Acting like they’re too good for their source material; or B) Pretending "Heroes" is completely original (which it isn’t). The pilot’s best tip of the hat to Hollywood’s current favorite cash cow? Masi Oka’s scenes in Japan, where he and a friend’s subtitled dialogue bounced around the
screen, skillfully dodging the on-screen action just like comic-book speech bubbles,.

Speaking of Oka, his performance was funny and heartfelt, making him (not to mention that sure-to-be-handy ability to bend time and space) an early standout. Also acquitting themselves well: Ali Larter, doing her best scared-out-of-my-mind since Death finally caught up with her in Final Destination 2, and “Boy Who Could (Possibly) Fly” Milo Ventimiglia, sinking his teeth into his first decent role since Jess on The CW’s “Gilmore Girls.” Looks like the third time’s a charm for this erstwhile bad-boy-turned-super-nurse.

The previews that capped the episode put to rest any fears (at least for this viewer) that the creators won’t be able to top such an impressive debut. Powerful heroes, deadly villains and a grand puzzle that fans of "Lost" and "The X-Files" should have a blast trying to put together – looks like we’ve finally got a reason to look forward to Mondays.

Random Rant No. 1: That new Lincoln-Mercury commercial

Preface: So first there were questions about the name of this blog - "You don't really want people to think you're a jerk, do you?" - and now, new accusations that said blogger isn't being jerky enough. Or maybe just too organized and sensible.

Far be it from me to try to impose order and sanity on this madly spinning blogosphere - I am but the humble servant of my rapt audience, a lowly court jester gesturing foolishly for your amusement.

So, without further ado, on with the ranting and the raving and the general idiocy you all expect from me:

Rant: That new Lincoln-Mercury commercial rubs me all the wrong ways. You’ve probably seen it by now – the seemingly non-descript one where an attractive Spokesmodel-in-Black tells you about the company’s latest line of vehicles, extolling their safety features and fuel efficiency and blah, blah, blah. Nothing out of the ordinary so far...until her closing admonishment – or, rather, stern command – “So you’ve gotta put Mercury on your list.”

Oh, do I now? Well, let me just get my list out and write that...Wait a second, why do I “have to” do anything you say? And just who are you, anyway? Well, according to my research (and, yes, I do know it’s very “uncool” to do research for your blog, but I can't help it - I'm a journalist of jerkiness), you are Jill Wagner, star of stage and screen. Or at least “Blade.” No, not the movie, the Spike TV show that’s based on the movie and stars rapper Kirk “Sticky Fingaz” Jones (an unfortunate moniker if ever there was one).

Anyway, to most viewers, you’re just Tall, Thin, Pretty Brunette No. 289. So it stands to reason that you had to bring extensive knowledge of motor-vehicle performance to this ad, because it’s not every day a tall, thin, pretty brunette beat the odds and makes it in TV Land.

My point, if I do indeed have one? When I’m looking for advice from commercials (which is, of course, every single day – how else would I get rid of all that useless green-and-white paper lying around my apartment?), I prefer to get it from a source that seems a little more, I don't know, is “credible” too strong a word?

I mean, I’m sure Blade’s vampire-fighting vehicle of choice is always the latest Lincoln-Mercury model. But still, if it’s a choice between Miss Wagner and, say, some short, stout, middle-aged shlub in a short-sleeved dress-shirt and clip-on tie - and maybe sporting a few beads of sweat on his shiny, balding head, just for good measure – well, I’ll take that big, fat sweater any day of the week.

Why? Because he really had to do something to get on my TV. I mean, if someone that repulsive is chosen to speak on behalf of a massive corporation to 250 million ready-and-willing consumers, he’s really got something to say, right? So if Mr. Fat Disgusting Slob tells me “You gotta put Mercury on your list,” well, Mr. Fat Disgusting Slob, I think I will. I think I will.

Band of the Week: Iron Maiden

"Your time will come!"
A little disclaimer for those of you who don’t share my passion for power metal, and may be getting tired of hearing about: The featured artist won’t always fall into that genre – there simply aren’t enough good bands playing this most mind-blowing style of hard rock to cover 52 weeks of the year. If only there were…

That said, with last week’s release of “A Matter of Life and Death,” their first album in three years – and first to ever debut in the top 10 of the Billboard 200 (at No. 9) – it only seems right to pay homage to the founding fathers of power metal, the one and only Iron Maiden.

While I’ll admit (with some shame) to not yet purchasing that critically acclaimed record – been preoccupied with changing companies and jobs for the last couple weeks, which, really, is no excuse – it nonetheless occupies the coveted top spot on my oft-derided “CDs to Buy” list.

“Ah,” you say, “but this is just another tongue-in-cheek tribute to a silly, silly band, aimed at drawing a couple cheap laughs. I may have been tricked into believing you worshipped the Warrior Kings of Polish Power Metal, Sorcerer, but I won’t be so quick to believe you again.”

Fools! All kneel before Edward the Great.


Just look at that beautiful artwork, which could proudly hang in the world’s great galleries beside their Picassos and Renoirs. Clearly, Maiden isn’t kidding around, and I assure you, neither am I.

And that’s precisely why head shrieker Bruce Dickinson and company continue to reign supreme as the Gods of Power Metal, bravely weathering sidestepping ever-shifting trends throughout more than three decades in the trenches: This has never been a joke to Iron Maiden, and it never will be.

Unlike contemporary purveyors – say, The Darkness, whose career path has followed the meteoric rise and fall of many UK rockers’ before them – Maiden approaches their material with reverence and gravity. Whether meditating on the mythological Icarus’ vain attempts to fly ever-closer to the sun (“The Flight of Icarus), the bleakly sanitized future of Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World,” or the tragic story of horror-musical cult classic “The Wicker Man,” Maiden never plays it for laughs.

The song structures are, suitably, as grandly epic as the lyrics, spreading multiple moods and tempos out over tracks that frequently clock in at 7 or 8 minutes, and sometimes considerably more. And always there is the “power” in Maiden’s metal, a punishing rhythm section driven frenzied bass runs, galloping drums and a soaring dual-guitar attack that demands the respectful sign of “devil horns” thrown with abandon.

For newcomers to Edward’s kingdom, 2000’s comeback album, “Brave New World,” is a great starting point for your journey into Maiden’s storied past. Or, if you’re afraid to dive in head first, just listen to classic single “Run to the Hills,” with its pairing of blistering guitar work with a poignant examination of how early Americans founded “the greatest country in the world” through treachery and genocide. Heavy stuff, in every sense of the word.

Long live the Maiden.

Rock videos as mini-musicals?

Has anyone else noticed the return to theatricality in rock videos lately? As much as I loved the music of the early-’90s grunge scene – particularly Pearl Jam, STP and Nirvana – videos that offered more than just lip-synced performances with interesting backgrounds were few and far between. While generally serviceable and occasionally outstanding (in the case of some Smashing Pumpkins clips), most didn’t bear repeated viewings.

And when a single gunshot brought that era to a screeching halt, things went swiftly downhill. Bland, shiny pop-rockers and nu-metal thugs offering nothing in the way of compelling music or images flooded the airwaves, and “concept videos” were all but unheard-of.

Thankfully, the rock scene is undergoing a modest revival at the hands of ’70s/’80s-inspired throwback acts and emo/screamo bands, some of which offer a whole lot more than the cliché of skinny boys in tight jeans crying into their microphones. With this musical change has come a shift to an artistry rarely seen in music videos (which are, of course, rarely seen themselves these days).

For proof, look no further than a trio of clips from the oft (unjustly) maligned My Chemical Romance’s sophomore album, “Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge” – in particular the theatrical “Helena” and the stunning “The Ghost of You.”

From the mini-musical of “Helena” to the note-perfect “Saving Private Ryan” homage of “Ghost,” which utilizes actual World War II veterans and authentic army uniforms, MCM is truly operating on a higher level than nearly all of their contemporaries.

Also of note:

- The highly stylized clip for Evanescence’s latest single
“Call Me When You’re Sober.” While more a series of arresting images than a complete narrative, this one is nonetheless beautifully eerie with its "Little Red Riding Hood"-meets-"Interview with the Vampire" gothic motif.


- The Killers' new Springsteen-influenced “When You Were Young,” which perfectly matches the song’s sweet-and-sour theme of nostalgia for times and feelings that will never be again.


The video’s Mexico-set story of a dying love affair is so subtly and poignantly realized, it could serve as a companion piece to acclaimed director Alejandro González Iñárritu’s masterful “21 Grams.”


- Though not one of their best songs, the Burton-esque video for The Used's "All That I've Got" blends surreal imagery and storybook animation in its nods to everything from "Alice in Wonderland" to "The Shining."


While these may occasionally clips tiptoe up to the fine line between artistry and pretentiousness, it’s exciting to see bands realizing the medium’s potential as a forum for visual artistry.

But enough of my ramblings, which have unapologetically stepped over the aforementioned line. I’m wondering if anyone else is noticing this trend and, if so, do you welcome it, or just wish bands would stick to performance videos and let the music speak for itself?

Make your own monkey

Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, the beautiful dream has finally become sweet, hairy reality, thanks to Careerbuilder's monk-e-mail.


Above is one of a couple monkeys I created. Okay, so I tried just about every hair-and-accessory combination available, and wished there were more - guess I really do need a day job. To get your own monkey (and preferably send it to me, because there’s no such thing as too many monkeys), go to http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk%2De%2Dmail

Come to think of it, if I'm going to be giving out plugs to random Web sites and companies, I really should make this thing ad-supported and get some corporate cash out of it.

Three days with a blog and I'm already on the verge of selling out. And two of my first four posts are about monkeys. What a jerk.

Monkey of the Month: Sad orangutan

"The saddest monkey in the world"

All right, well, technically, he's an orangutan. But just look at this little guy - what could he have done so wrong that they put him in jail? Apparently being suspected of carrying dirty monkey diseases.

Here's hoping you're cleared of all charges, my furry friend, and can go back to a luxurious life of eating delicious bananas and wearing women's clothes for the amusement of mankind.

Single tear...

Okay, fine, I'm sitting here openly weeping - weeping for the saddest monkey in the world.

Man, I wish I had a monkey.

Band of the Week: Sorcerer

"The warrior kings of Polish power metal"

When you think of Poland, you think of power metal, right? Well, neither did I, until the glorious day I discovered Sorcerer, and my world was forever changed.

Obviously, by choosing the name Sorcerer apparently irony-free, this band was already well on its way to becoming the greatest Polish power-metal outfit ever. But if this picture doesn't say a thousand words, here's a few to convince you:

"Metalowa Husarya" - the name of their new EP

"War Sower", "Discipline of Blood" and "Flame of Destruction" - a few of their awe-inspiring song titles to strike the fear of Polish metal in your weak American heart.

So how, you ask, can I return just a little of the joy Sorcerer has given me? By visiting their Page of Polish Sorcery on Download.com, that's how.

Do it soon - before Sorcerer is forced to burn down your village with their Flame of Destruction, and show you some Discipline of Blood. You have been warned.

Every jerk has to start somewhere...

My first post is solely for the purpose of making my blog displayable and contains no useful information or amusing anecdotes whatsoever. None. Savor the sweet jerkiness.