You've gotta be fast to outrun Long John Silver

So why, you ask, would you put shrimp on a treadmill? Well, to measure the activity of an exercising shrimp of course. That's according to a recent MSNBC article, in which Pacific University biologist David Scholnick makes this shocking statement: "As far as I know, this is the first time that shrimp have been exercised on a treadmill." Preposterous!

I've struck Trunk Monkey gold!

If you think monkeys are hilarious (like I do), this may be the funniest thing you’ve seen all week (it was for me). If you don’t, these furry little actors just may change your mind. My personal favorite is the baby-delivering monkey. Here ya go: www.trunkmonkeyad.com

The perils of air harmonica

So, air harmonica, not recommended. The other day while driving into work and grooving to Neil Young’s ’70s classic Harvest (“Old Man,” “Needle and the Damage Done” and “Alabama” on one record - what more could you want?), I felt particularly inspired by the crazy Canuck’s playing on “Heart of Gold.” What followed may very well have looked like a seizure to passing motorists, and most likely endangered my life and theirs – after all, it’s a good idea to keep at least one hand on the wheel while driving, I find. Generally speaking.


The lesson we can all take away from this? Some instruments just naturally lend themselves to air playing: Air guitar? Appropriate just about any time except while listening to a John Mayer CD (which is never, ever appropriate). Air drums? Who hasn’t pretended they’re beatin’ the skins in time with dead-guy virtuosos John Bonham and Keith Moon? Air piano? Debatable, yes, but I’ve been known to throw down some pretty mean ivory ticklin’ to “Sweet Home Alabama.”

Air flute? No. Two words: Jethro Tull. Air harmonica? Sadly, no, as it turns out to be dangerous and messy. Very difficult to grip the wheel after tossing off a lick unaided by that little mouth accordion’s built in spit-catcher, I can tell you.

So next time you feel inspired to tongue it along with old Bob Zimmerman, just opt for some air finger-picking, and leave the air harmonica in the closet with your air violin and air harp skillz. Your fellow drivers will thank you.

Sophomore slump for "Heroes"?

So, the second episode of "Heroes" was, it pains me to say, a little bit of a letdown. After one of the most impressive pilots in recent memory, episode 2 offered solid plot and character development, but a lot fewer jaw-on-the-floor moments.

It was confirmed that brothers Peter and Nathan can both fly, which sets up all kinds of crime-fighting duo possibilities. And we found out that – big surprise – cheerleader Claire is reluctant to jeopardize her social status by revealing her superpowers



We also met one new character, a cop who can apparently read people's thoughts, which will come in really handy if he can ever pass that detective test. However, his power, we quickly learned, can lead to awkward situations like getting arrested for double homicide – brutal, really disgusting homicide that shocked even this die-hard "Seven" fan. My congratulations, "Heroes" creators, on devising not one, but two kill methods never-before-seen by this lifelong horror fan: horizontally-pinned-to-the-wall-by-silverware and frozen-solid-at-the-dinner-table-with-missing-top-of-head. Sick? Absolutely, but also kind of genius.

And speaking of sick, how about the discovery that Miss Double Vision (AKA Niki Sanders) is no virgin to the killing-and-dismembering business herself? When she was preparing to bury last week's way-dead tough guys and her shovel hit something hard, I knew we were in for Shocking Moment No. 1. And "Heroes" didn't disappoint, giving us a creepy view of a long-buried human skull still sporting a few wispy strands of hair, and further begging the question of whether this character is a hero or a villain.

Shocking Moment No. 2? Obviously, the confusing-but-mind-blowing final 60 seconds, which: 1) Revealed that Hiro had actually jumped ahead in time by over a month; 2) Showed the same vision of massive destruction that Nostrajunkie painted last week; and 3) Sent Mr. Spock back to Japan and made it seem as if he’d never really left.

So can Hiro teleport back and forth through time, as well as space? Can he change what he sees? And wouldn't it be kind of redundant to have two characters who can see into the future? Those of us who don’t share that ability will just have to wait and see.